Ate

As I drank the strawberry milkshake I thought
this is damn good.

And why?

Probably because it took me a half-hour to drink
probably because it didn't sit in a truck for 12
probably because my crazy dad is in Texas
and probably because he, unlike you
wouldn't have forced bad milk on me
anyway.

The Gumption of 27

I suppose throwing away the day old shake was
irresponsible
making a 10 year old not drink milk that had been sitting out
reprehensible
refusing to talk to you as you loaded up the turkey day items
unfathomable
clearing out all the numbers from my cell so you could take it
disrespectful
deciding I was done and would no longer pursue a familial connection
unbelievable

but you disowned me
when mom was dying
because she saw
what I saw
and refused to pity you
living or dead
because you won't be the man
God asked you
in between heartache
and happiness
to be

So blame this
irresponsible
reprehensible
unfathomable
disrespectful
unbelievable
individual if you must

Because I know who I am
and who
sadly
you will never be.

13 Year Old Girl

I sat there staring out at the faces
coupling purple and black
ribbons tied round your wrist
ready for the prom
measuring your length in
fingers spread out and tears
poured down, down, down.

And I did not cry.

Grief had no voice for me there.

It's whispers waited in the beating
and breathing.

I did not cry.

Just gave you up
pushed in the water
baptized in sorrow
to sleep in the satin
slumber of dirt.

It Gets Away From You

Grainy bugger
rolled in foggy photographs
and long lost summers
toasting your success at making it
ten
twenty
thirty years past who you
were
are
and will be
some day.

Sidewalk Vomit

I was snapping American Gothic
momma upside-down-and-wow-Columbus-is
dirt-ee
when I realized
lightbulb in my brain
casting a Christ-like Halo
around a Cactus Puppy
that I'm there
standing in someone's
last night
wishing I was standing in my
today
instead of waiting
tredding water waist-line
wanting gray-curly yesterday
but needing to move
begrudginly forward.

Mediocre

I watched the movie
Fame
tonight
with my sister.

The title about sums up
everything
in the movie
in the world
in my life
right now.

And I'm okay with that
because I have to be.

Paper Jam

I drank a
mocha.

I spent time with a
friend
I hadn't seen in
a long
time.

I was given
PINK
buttons.

I hugged a small
child.

But all of this
this good
this joy
can be blustered
dumped in the
toilet
by something as simple
as a
paper
jam.

Good Days

I spent the day ignoring your
calls
and drinking an unimaginable amount of
coffee
while writing
chapter three
in my
book.

I didn't think about my dirty
bathroom
or covering someone's
shift
or washing Heidi's
laundry
I just wrote
chapter three
in my
book.

And I don't feel
bad
not one
bit
that I couldn't help
you
them
they.

Instead
for once
without your
permission
I feel
liberated.

I feel
free.

Found

Bits of paper
chocolate sauced lids
gum wrappers
old work stamps
business cards
beverage receipts
and an abundance of
change.

Separate, a random meaningless
menagerie of the mundane and
mediocre.

Together
art in the form of
babies smiles
employee coffees
converation starters
and memories
sent to you as a
reminder
what is lost
in the moments we
worry
fret
cry out for
deliverance
will eventually be
found and
fixed and
finished.

God's homage to man.

We ask for miracles
and he invented tape.

Excuses

I'm already in my
seventies
why quit
now.

It's all the stress
that's what made me
sick.

I don't drink enough
water
it's really got nothing to do
with my
weight.

My watch says it's
7:55
maybe your clock is
broken.

I don't need a
walker
I'm just a little
dizzy.

I'm already
It's all
I don't
my watch

Are your reasons
for why you haven't
and won't
and didn't
piling up
like possibilities
left undiscovered
crunched beneath
unwilling feet.

Acrididae Achievement

Today
I failed
at life.

I wanted to succeed.
I wanted to impress.
I wanted to play my fiddle
in the noon day sun.

But I'm too slow
to anal retentive
to worried about
disappointing
you.

So I didn't get all of the DVDs out
and the CDs weren't organized
and you both
you lovable two
so hard at the twenty ton
I've an ant's back
and you can count on
the cleverness of me
were left
patting a
grasshopper
sweaty palms
and drippy brows
splashing along
in quiet
harmony.

All the while your eyes
said
what your kind lips
wouldn't.

Today
I failed
at life.

Maybe

somehow
someway
someday

I won't fail as much
tomorrow.