Ate

As I drank the strawberry milkshake I thought
this is damn good.

And why?

Probably because it took me a half-hour to drink
probably because it didn't sit in a truck for 12
probably because my crazy dad is in Texas
and probably because he, unlike you
wouldn't have forced bad milk on me
anyway.

The Gumption of 27

I suppose throwing away the day old shake was
irresponsible
making a 10 year old not drink milk that had been sitting out
reprehensible
refusing to talk to you as you loaded up the turkey day items
unfathomable
clearing out all the numbers from my cell so you could take it
disrespectful
deciding I was done and would no longer pursue a familial connection
unbelievable

but you disowned me
when mom was dying
because she saw
what I saw
and refused to pity you
living or dead
because you won't be the man
God asked you
in between heartache
and happiness
to be

So blame this
irresponsible
reprehensible
unfathomable
disrespectful
unbelievable
individual if you must

Because I know who I am
and who
sadly
you will never be.

13 Year Old Girl

I sat there staring out at the faces
coupling purple and black
ribbons tied round your wrist
ready for the prom
measuring your length in
fingers spread out and tears
poured down, down, down.

And I did not cry.

Grief had no voice for me there.

It's whispers waited in the beating
and breathing.

I did not cry.

Just gave you up
pushed in the water
baptized in sorrow
to sleep in the satin
slumber of dirt.

It Gets Away From You

Grainy bugger
rolled in foggy photographs
and long lost summers
toasting your success at making it
ten
twenty
thirty years past who you
were
are
and will be
some day.

Sidewalk Vomit

I was snapping American Gothic
momma upside-down-and-wow-Columbus-is
dirt-ee
when I realized
lightbulb in my brain
casting a Christ-like Halo
around a Cactus Puppy
that I'm there
standing in someone's
last night
wishing I was standing in my
today
instead of waiting
tredding water waist-line
wanting gray-curly yesterday
but needing to move
begrudginly forward.

Mediocre

I watched the movie
Fame
tonight
with my sister.

The title about sums up
everything
in the movie
in the world
in my life
right now.

And I'm okay with that
because I have to be.

Paper Jam

I drank a
mocha.

I spent time with a
friend
I hadn't seen in
a long
time.

I was given
PINK
buttons.

I hugged a small
child.

But all of this
this good
this joy
can be blustered
dumped in the
toilet
by something as simple
as a
paper
jam.